If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
