I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
