I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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