we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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