After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
honey bunches of taint.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
