ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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