WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
