I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
