If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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