Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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