just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
