I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
