you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
