Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
