You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I didn't notice because vodka
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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