My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
