Acid is not a monday night drug
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
God I need to hump something, right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
