I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
