Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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