Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
