Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
