The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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