atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
