Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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