guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
