i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
