We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
