it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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