You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
