My Higher Power is John Stamos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
