Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
