U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
