i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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