You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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