She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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