This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
