I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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