the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
