genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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