apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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