he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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