i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Terrible idea I love it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
