I wish I could teleport
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
