I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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