Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
