nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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