i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i think my cat just said my name.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize