They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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