Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
