i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness