i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed