It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.