I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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