You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
