i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
