Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
