note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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