i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
