you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
