4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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