Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
