come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
