You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
