Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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