Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
