my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
