please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
