3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
