Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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