Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
