Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
