Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
