You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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