this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
