Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
