did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
