i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
