I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
