If that was your dad, he is hot
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
