I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
