fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
