u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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