i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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