and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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