Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
