honey bunches of taint.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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